8 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Dating Profile (and Get More Sex from It)

I like sex. I like other people who like sex. I’ve had profiles on several different adult “dating” and booty call websites for many years. Right now, with IRL options severely limited, online is pretty much the only way people are finding each other. As a woman who has previously been on the hunt for a man (or even a straight/bi couple) I have to tell you that most men stink at this profile business. I’d like to say that the ratio of men to actual women (not bots) on those sites is really working in our favor and giving us a lot of choices, ladies, but when you take out all the men whose profiles make them look like serial killers, there just aren’t too many left. Fellas, please don’t be offended, because I really do want to help. I have chatted with and met some really good guys from these sites and had some extra spicy adventures (which is another blog post in itself), but it is tough to find many profiles that really draw you in to look for more. The appealing profiles are like finding a needle in a haystack.

Your profile snapshot that shows up in searches really is that first impression and you know what they say about that. If it is well received, they will click on and read more in droves. If not, they’re moving on to the next candidate and the next one after that. I am happy to help out and let you guys know what women are really seeing in your profile and what would actually entice them. And, ladies, don’t think you are perfect at this either! Most of this really can apply to your profiles, too. Most of this is pretty general for anyone, trying to attract some like-minded individual. By the way, you’re welcome. Consider this some free advice from someone who has seen a lot of profiles, and very few enticing ones. Let me know if this helps you get some action, because there are a lot of people out there looking for fun. I hope this helps some of you get together!

Treat your profile like an interview for a job you really, really, really want. Be the best version of yourself, short of lying. It’s amazing how many men I’ve seen who look like they don’t actually want to meet someone! A little effort to show the best you will go a long way. Remember, even those of us women who love sex, love men and love a little bit of danger or excitement in our lives want to know we will come out of this alive. If you look sketchy, it’s going to be tough to get past that to get anyone to interact with you. The key word here is trust. Would I trust you enough to meet with you in secret?

Write in complete sentences and, for the love of all, use a dictionary. Honestly, you would thinks this goes without saying. If your statement is unintelligible and words are spelled incorrectly to the point of not remotely making sense, then I just don’t think this online platform is the best one for you. It doesn’t need to be a Pulitzer-Prize-winning work of grammar, but it needs to be clean and correct. Dictionaries are now at our fingertips right on our phones — so really take advantage of that perk. Keep it concise, but keep it precise as well.

D I S C R E E T. Discreet is defined as: 1. Respectful of privacy or secrecy; exercising caution in order to avoid causing embarrassment; quiet; diplomatic. 2. Not drawing attention, anger or challenge; inconspicuous. Discrete is defined as: Separate; distinct; individual; non-continuous. 2. That can be perceived individually and not as connected to, or part of something else. Can you tell which one here means that you’ll be quiet and not tell anyone about your doings and the freaky people you meet? If you really are going to be discreet in all matters of free and, sometimes reckless, sex, then perhaps accuracy is important. When I was looking for a discreet partner, that was important to me. I have always thought that if someone does not know the correct word for cautious and guarded behavior, then they may not be the most prudent choice.

Your photo should look good; you’ve got one shot at this. This means no ex-significant others cut off the edge of the photo, no welder’s helmet (yes, I really just received one like this), no laying in your bed as if you’re hungover, and in general, nothing that resembles a law enforcement mugshot. Five thick gold chains and a gold watch are impressive, but would probably look even better if you had a shirt on. These examples are all real ones I’ve seen recently and they aren’t the only offensive ones.

The worst, by far (and possibly the most terrifying), was a photo I very recently received of a frowning, mildly scary man in the grocery story staring off into the distance while reaching into the freezer case filled with frozen vegetables, TV dinners and juice cans. What? I can’t even say anything else, but I had to include the photo here to show you what NOT to do with your own profile photo. I’ve covered his face to protect him, but by the looks of this photo it is his potential date who needs protection. The idea is to choose a photo in which you do not look like an axe murderer.

The best thing you can do is invest a little thought into the photos you are going to share with potential bedmates. Stage them if you need to, even casually, with the timer on your phone. Photos of you doing something you love or engaging in a hobby or activity you really like is ideal. Show a bit of who you are in your photos. Some great ideas I’ve seen lately are: a man wearing a pilot suit near a small plane, holding a beer and smiling at a pub, standing next to a motorcycle, posing in a bowling alley, wearing a cowboy hat, and sitting at a sporting event. Each of these things say a little bit about who these men are, subtle clues to find a good match and someone who appreciates these things.

By all means, smile! — Look like you might actually be fun to be with. Smiles are sexy as hell! It does not mean you should exclude the sultry, boudoir-ish photos from the mix. Those are erotic and turning on potential lovers or sex partners is a good thing! Just make sure there are some photos in there (and probably your primary one) that show that you are happy with yourself. You don’t have to be model-beautiful, but smiling and looking like you enjoy life in your photos will portray all your best qualities. Smiles and eyes can be so sexy!

Humility keeps it real. Just because you may think you’re the greatest lover of the 21st century, does not mean you have to tell everyone. I think I’d prefer to be the judge of that, in my own time, when I meet someone new. It is always appropriate to highlight your strengths and the things that you feel are the best about yourself. Nevertheless, if your profile questionnaire asks you to categorize your appearance and you answer “EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE,” then you better be Rob Lowe. Keep it honest and keep the ego in check. Actually, that’s great advice for meeting and attracting people in real life, I’d say, not just online dating profiles.

Dick pics. Yes, I’m going there. You know you do it. You know you’re going to keep doing it. You either post them of yourself or look at them in someone’s profile. I’m not going to tell you that posting them is bad, because we all know you’re going to post them anyway. Obviously, you’re going to take them and post them because it’s fun and because you think that’s going to get attention from the right person. You’re going to post them because you think we want to see them. And while that may be partially accurate, when you’ve seen one crappy cell phone dick photo you have pretty much seen them all. The best I can give here is to tell you not to have more photos of your cock than you do of your face. That is not helpful. We still have to see the face first before you take your clothes off. Sometimes a little mystery can be exciting. And I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but we cannot tell the actual size of your cock from a grainy photograph taken when it’s fully hard and reflected in the mirror from weird angles in your bathroom. Posting several photos that look like this does not help the cause.

Be honest and be specific. Being detailed about what you want and, just as important, what you don’t want will help your odds of matching up. Being vague and not being honest about what really turns you on isn’t going to help anything. I find it very refreshing when a guy can share just enough to really let me see what turns him on. We know it’s different for everyone, so why hide it? Clues, hints, secret likes. If you’re comfortable, share your biggest turn-on. Into rear entry or fetish? Share it! Into dildos or oral sex? Share it! Have some new sex furniture you’re eager to try out with someone? Share it!